Grieving

Field Notes August 21, 2020

Today is dad's 94th birthday. I’ve been grieving my dad for 3 years, or more. But in the last year he became an enemy intent on “destroying” me. His death will be a relief, then I can truly rest.  A time when I can finally let my guard down and quit looking over my shoulder or worry what threatening letter might be in my mailbox.

I’m going on with my life. Anticipating his death. I really don’t know how I will respond when I finally get the news or who will deliver it. Will I be there with him? Or will I hear days later from the conservator? How will this all play out. What’s the timing of everything? I feel his end is near. Other’s have said it. He isn’t well. He hasn’t been well for a long long time. But we had to let this all play out. He couldn’t give up the fight. He had to stay long enough to make things right.